I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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