Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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