I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
