he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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