Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
