Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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