I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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