I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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