he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
