Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
