Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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