Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
