Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
