He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
