He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love having hate sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
