So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
