Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
