Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
