I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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