all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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