Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
