My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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