Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
