she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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