So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
