I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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