but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
