Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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