My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize