i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
