Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FUCK WHALES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
