I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
