My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
