Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she looked like the before picture.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
