70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
