By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
