oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
