just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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