what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
