My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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