the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
