I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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