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I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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