Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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