Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They have beer where we have blood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize