Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want a musical about memes.
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