I puked a lego.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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