Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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