Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
