i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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