You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
