I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
