I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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