i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Rumble strips road head = magical
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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