...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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