the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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