dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I will pee on everything he values.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize