Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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