you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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