Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
