the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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