Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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