I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
