I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
