You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
