saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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