Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am naked and annoyed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize