And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
