I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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