You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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