New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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