There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
