I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
