I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
