forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
