i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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