I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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