The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
