Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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