Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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