is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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