Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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