Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
