This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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