she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
