It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
