I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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