you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
