just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
