WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
