Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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