Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
