Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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