Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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