A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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