my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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