im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
