even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
