I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
