my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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