I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
