he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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