I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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