foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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